the Tao of Zang: Words

Losing the Game

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:55 EST

I cannot breathe here, mind racing heart pounding, sacrifice for the greater good. can my soul ever die? If I treasure the moments, that I'd bring back if I could. ice water in my veins, as I protect myself, from the glitter of the prize. then I close myself, from everyone and the world, and live a life of sighs. should I go further? find a kitchen knife, to open up my heart. set myself aside, for the pressured emotion, hiding in my art. where is my life? I ache to fight the fear, of what I should become. I need to awake, from self-induced slumber, and grab a higher rung. can you help me?

Share This Bed

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:54 EST

your kiss tastes of gin and i don't know where to begin to say i want you in my bed tonight because christmas without presents is hell without heaven please be this blind man's gift of sight

my soul doesn't need a mate no kismet, charm or fate just a pretty body pressed against mine i can't claim to be in love or the person that you dream of but a very hungry man who needs to dine

you see this evening will be lonely without someone i could only hold in a cold night's warm embrace and i knew you were the one glowing brightly like the sun when i saw that perfect smile on your face

a little crooked is my halo but if you just let me know tonight i'll share everything with you follow me and take my hand show me that life is grand and maybe i wont this holiday be blue

All Roads Lead To Rome

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:17 EST

I can't let go of this love without first having held on to it nurtured it, coddled it brought it up to touch the sky that blueness I've gazed dreamed of a lifetime that has it's home within you tears drop one by one forming puddles then streams and rivers currents that wash away the land upon which I stand and send it to the sea cutting gullies and fjords of anything that lies in it's path i'm trying to forge a path away from the hurt yet as they say all roads lead to rome

The Secrets A Sofa Could Tell

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:16 EST

I've finally gotten you alone. I've spent most of the night giving coy looks, caressing bare skin, smiling in the most devious of ways. Tonight has been full of innuendo and flirtation, but I'm craving something more; you. Sitting on the couch by the window, I can tell it's almost daybreak outside. Your back is to the panes, silhouetted in the blue-purple of impending dawn. Beautiful. I lean in to kiss you, something I've wanted to do tonight without worry of being caught. Soft lips meet softer lips and my hand reaches up to the side of your face to punctuate my new-found lust. Your face is warm and flush under the touch of my finger, and our tongues gently caress the other's. I can't shake this desire, nor do I want to. It started the moment I smelled the fragrance of vanilla emanating from you; it's always had a way of speaking to my libido. Careful not to break the kiss, my hands grasp the sides of your waist and pull you closer to me. There's something in you, an aggressiveness that you can't hide, and I love it. I've felt it all night - the tight clutches of my sides, the quick bite on my neck after a brief stolen kiss, the way you quickly press your body against me. I want you to release it all to me. I push back on you with my kiss, reclining you back-down on the couch. You surprise me for the better by wrapping your legs around my waist. I've never been fond of shy girls, I like being with someone who truly wants to be there, who has nothing else on their minds but that moment, and how to make it the best moment possible. Your hands run through my hair, lightly tugging at my locks. I kiss your neck, nuzzling against the heat of your nape, warming it further with breath, which in turn only brings out more of the sweet bean fragrance that's been turning me on all night. My hands clutch for your ass. I need you, I need you now. This only prompts you to tighten your grip on my hair. I'm loving every minute of this. You pull and tug at my clothing, I can't help but oblige you. I remove my shirt and your fingers slide into the hair on my chest. I can feel your desire, your urge to consume me - completely on par with mine - through your digits. I can feel the pressure of your fingertips increasing as you move them up my back. I give you an aggressive little bite on your neck, and pull at your top. It must be removed, no ifs, ands or buts. I slide it off your body, watching it move up and over your head, exposing the soft skin and a stomach firm and indescribably perfect. Your top off, I kiss you softly between your exposed breasts and slide and hand under you to arch your back and give myself better access. I lick one nipple, then the other, stopping to savour the warmth of your body. Your jeans are the next thing to go. I yank open the button, zip down the fly, then firmly pull the denim off of your extremely long legs. Panties are removed with expedience. Your inner thigh, ripe for the picking, receives a quick, incisive grab between my teeth. Getting up on my knees, I linger a long look at a naked form that is truly beautiful, yet in a fully unpretentious way. Your eyes gaze up at mine with the most mischievous of looks. You have something on your mind. You make no haste in removing my belt, then almost forcefully you remove my pants. You hear no objections from me, just a smile of surprised delight. I hear seams on my boxers tear slightly as they to are removed quickly. It's obvious what you want, and I'm not going to stand in your way. You stand up and press your warm, silken body against mine. I can feel the passion in your touch, the desire flowing out of you like the narrow fingers of a river delta. Your hands glide up my to my chest, planting just on the insides of my shoulders; your light touch charging me with a delicious sexuality. As if your intent is to catch me off guard, your hands push me backwards onto the couch. I fall most ungracefully, not aware of what you had planned to do. I let out an embarrassed laugh to try and cover my lack of elegance. I can tell you really could care less as to the semantics of my landing on the sofa. Your mind is set. You lean down and kiss me full on the lips. Your lips have a slight coolness to them and have a slipperiness from a thin layer of recently applied saliva. Your kiss is intense and combined with the adrenaline of being pushed down, I'm left light headed. You place your hands down on my shoulders again, and I watch as you lift one leg, then the other, to straddle me where I sit. All of this frenetic, energetic power-play has turned me on to an extent I haven't felt before. I'm harder than I've ever thought possible. I ache to be inside you, though apparently you're already ensuring that will happen. You grab my erection and guide it past your wet labia and deep inside you. I let out a short, sharp breath followed by a contented sigh as I discover the pleasure I've been seeking all night. You waste no time in thrusting your hips into me. Subtlety has been a nonexistent theme tonight anyway, why start now? Your hands begin gripping into the skin on my shoulder, your eyes close, and your mouth opens to allow the deeper breaths that you need. I can feel your weight grind into me, looking for deeper and deeper penetration. My hips are both fighting against, and working with your movements, bucking and thrusting up into you. My breathing becomes heavy. I feel you as I've wanted to feel you; Your warm, humid breath exhaled into my face, the smell of your perfume becoming more apparent as your body heat increases. My eyes have been watching yours, even though you're keeping them closed, looking for one quick glance. You are far too embroiled in the bliss of sex, and even I am having trouble maintaining any kind of focus. I do however, manage to get a glimpse of the muscle in your upper thigh flexing and defining with your movement and the bounce of your breasts so close to my face. I can't resist it. I can't resist you. I take a sharp bite of the skin between your breasts. This manages to cleave your euphoria and you let out a breathy grunt. Your eyes open and look into mine. Your hips thrust harder. You lean your head back and moan slightly and your eyes once again close. The added power in your hips is only managing to drive me closer to that ultimate climactic moment, the one we're both looking for. My eyes close and you take advantage of that. I feel the brush of your long hair against my chest for a split second before you lay your teeth into the muscle between my neck and shoulder. I let out a "gah" or some other nonsensical expression of surprise. I don't feel the pain though, only the pleasure. Your fingernails now dig into my shoulders, your hips drive deeper and deeper. You're close, very close to cumming. Your breathing gives that away. I can feel the amount of energy your body is creating. It flows into me, and I'm in awe of the vivacity and passion that you're emitting. I can feel your skin moistening from the incredible workout you're giving yourself; giving me. My hips thrust into you and my hands grab your ass tightly. I press the side of my face up against your chest and attempt to match you in your movement. Heavy breaths become heavy moans and you're pounding onto me like some kind of exercise machine. Given my position and the force of your movement, my breathing is constantly getting interrupted as it's pattern intersects with the motion of your body. I don't mind however. I've never seen someone with such vigor and determination. It's yet another thing about you I find incredibly attractive. Your hands begin to shake and what were previously moans are now screams. Your eyes still closed, but your mouth pushing out the sounds of eminent orgasm. You're going to cum, you're going to cum now. In one extremely loud moan/scream, you shudder and I can see your body flush with blood, almost mimicking the feeling of ecstasy you are experiencing. Your body starts slowing down, settling more of your weight on my legs and hips. Your screams though, have managed to push me extremely close to cumming, and as you wind down and your orgasm trickles away, mine hits me. My body gets struck with a hot, almost itchy feeling as the endorphines run through my arteries, veins and capillaries. Though I've been quite quiet, I too throw my head back and let out a moan. Your eyes open as you feel me cum, my erection pulsing inside you. You say, "mmmmmm" and give me a coy smile. I pull your body against mine and kiss you gently on any area I may have bitten over the course of this shared experience. It hits me that our zeal may have been overheard by those people we'd tried to shake ourselves of earlier in the night. Normally, this would bother me, but not today. You dismount me and we both cuddle up on the couch for a slight rest. As I nuzzle the back of your neck, I'm left thinking to myself, "this could be the start of something good."

Hacienda La Minita

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:15 EST

I take a sip of coffee from my mug. It's Second Cup "La Minita" and it's incredibly mellow. I think perhaps I made it a little weak. You've always preferred the dark roasts from Starbuck's better, yet you're drinking this light-brewed java quite readily. I sit there, completely enrapt with your conversation. Well, not so much the conversation as you. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm a little tired, but tonight I find a beauty in you that I've never seen before. That's not to say that you're not beautiful. By all means, in every conventional way, you are incredibly attractive. There's just something there that I'd never seen before; something enthralling and enveloping and astoundingly sexy. Your eyes, coloured as dark as the coffee you're sipping from your mug, look at me more intently as you pause your train of thought for a second to smile. I smile back and you start back into your story. I think you said something amusing. I don't mean to be ignoring your conversation. It's just that I'm too wrapped up in thoughts that I probably shouldn't be having. Wait. Why shouldn't I be thinking them? Here I am, sitting cross-legged on a couch. On the other end is a vision of softness and youthful beauty. You've piqued my desire, set it alight with a tiny spark and watched as it became a raging forest fire. Your story must be good because you're getting incredibly animated. You're gesturing like mad, and smiling a beaming smile as the words pass through your full lips. I'm struggling to hear it but lustful thoughts are winning the war for my attention. My mug is now empty, although I didn't even realize that I'd finished all my coffee. I put it down on the table beside me. You continue your story, and your gesticulation causes you to lean forward and slap a friendly slap on my knee. As you're doing that, my eyes shift to your chest. The porcelain skin of your breasts catches my attention incredibly well as your leaning exposes ample amounts of cleavage from the low-cut top you're wearing. Time seems to slow down slightly just to extend my leering a little longer. This is ultimately my breaking point. As you lean back into your normal sitting position, I lean forward. My right hand reaches for the soft, cool skin on the side of your face. My index finger sweeps lightly along your jawline as my left hand pulls the mug of coffee out of your hand. Your conversation has stopped mid sentence by the time my finger reaches your chin. With the the half-finished mug firmly on the coffee table, I pull you chin-first to me. You don't at all seem surprised as my lips touch yours, giving the softest of kisses. I can taste the mellow, sugared coffee on your lips as the evening's pent-up desire finds it's first form of expression. We release our mouths mutually, and slowly pull away to see each other's smile. My god what a beautiful smile you can produce with those lips. Instinctively, my hands reach back up to the sides of your face. In instantaneous retrospect, the first kiss was nowhere near long enough for me. I must, MUST, have a second; this one more passionate than the first. I can feel my own sexual energy begin to flow as our lips part and close on each others, my hands just under your ears, holding your head, pulling you into my mouth. Your hands clutch at my back as my fingers wind their way through the satiny feel of your straight, blonde hair. We seem to be in agreement as to what's to happen next. Our kissing continues with a fiery intensity. Tongues are now involved, playfully swirling around one another; flirting, expressing, tasting. My hands venture down to your hips and I pull you forward as I lean myself back, laying your body on top of me. I slide my hands under the hem of your shirt, softly moving them up your sides, taking the garment off in the process. You oblige by lifting your arms up so that I can clear it entirely from your body. The kissing breaks only until the shirt passes over your head, then resumes it's fervor. Your breasts are held nicely by a blue silk bra. I've always been attracted to women with ample - yet not exaggerated - chests. Your c-cups seem to be just perfect, and squeeze as they get pressed back against my body, threatening to pop out of your braziere. I am in a state of bliss. Sexuality and sensuality are two things too often mistaken for each other, yet tonight both are flowing out of me. I've always felt "right" in situations like this; that it's the only true talent I've held throughout my life. My hands glide up the soft skin of your back to your shoulders, and my kisses leave your lips to find solace in your neck. Your breathing has become short and heavy, and kissing your neck has turned exhales into soft whimpers. I creep a finger each under the straps of your bra, and pull them down to your elbows. I reach between our pressed bodies to the snap between the cups of your bra. You arch up to give me better access, and I release your breasts from restraint. I kiss and nibble at your collarbone before I decide it's better for you to be underneath me. I put a hand firmly on your back and quickly roll us both over. I get up on my knees briefly to take off my shirt, which gets thrown to some part of the room; probably somewhere near your recently removed bra. I lay myself down on top of you, and begin soft little tongue kisses on your neck and upper chest. My hands are just under your upper back, and my kisses move down to your breasts. Your nipples seem to be calling me, and I gladly appease them with my warm mouth, taking turns softly sucking on each one. I add to it by rolling them around between my lips while flicking them lightly with the tip of my tongue. My tongue aches for somewhere else though, and it begins progressing down your tummy to your navel, where I give you a soft little kiss before moving farther south. My hands lightly follow down your sides, tickling you slightly. I reach the waist of your jeans, and my fingers reach for the button, undoing it, then slowly unzipping your fly. My digits then slide under the waist of both your jeans and your panties, gripping tightly at your hips. In one swift move, I pull them down to your thighs, then lift up your legs to pull them off completely. You are now completely naked and at my mercy. My kisses resume at your lower tummy. I can already feel the warmth radiating from your hips. I lead my tongue to your hip bones, kissing and playing with that ultra-sensitive area. From there, they move down the top of your left thigh. I force my arm under that leg and lift it up. The skin on your inner thigh is hot as I touch my lips to it. You cry out when I place my tongue to that soft skin. I can smell your wetness, feel the heat and I know how much you're wanting me to please you; to bring you that release. I hover my mouth over the heat rising between your thighs, breathing softly on it, teasing you ever so slightly. Then, when it gets too much for me to bear, I kiss you gently over my target area. I kiss some more, while my arms are coaxing you into spreading your legs some more. I bury my face down and slide my tongue inside you. You taste exquisite, and my tongue probes as deep as it can go. I then pull out to give myself the chance to suck on your labia, gently playing with the soft skin of these lips. I haven't shaven since early this morning, so my five o'clock shadow is probably a little ticklish as it's rubbing against your inner, inner thighs. I'd apologise, but I really love getting right in there, call it zeal, enthusiasm or whathaveyou. My tongue now goes for your clit and starts making slow, tight circles around it. I hear you moan once again which turns me on even more, if that is indeed possible. I nibble, and suck and play with your clit, driving you completely insane with passion. You writhe and thrust under my tongue as if somehow you didn't want it there. We both know that's not true. To make things more interesting and pleasurable, I slide a finger inside of you. Yet another moan comes out of your mouth. The finger probes and seeks out your g-spot, with the intent of giving you the most incredible orgasm you've ever had. My work on your clit becomes more rapid and forceful and frenzied, and my finger, having found your g-spot, is also being forceful. I'm going to make you cum, and make you cum now. And it happens, your body shudders and you cry out, the muscles surrounding my finger tighten up and you cum in a most incredible fashion, while my actions refuse to cease. Your leg spasms and manages to kick over my empty mug. Luckily, yours - and the now-cold coffee held within it - still stands. If I were more considerate, I'd move it to another part of the room, but why stop now? I continue to finger your g-spot, but my thumb comes out to play as it begins massaging your clit. My mouth on the other hand, is sucking and nibbling at your inner thigh, playing with what must be the softest skin on your body. It's driving you wild, I know it is, and soon enough you'll be having your second orgasm. But I stop, because now I want more. I need more. I've been holding back, bearing an intense erection since before I kissed you. I stand up beside the couch and pull down my pants, then my boxers. You reach for this newly uncovered erection, but I tell you, "no." I lay back on top of you, kissing you fully and passionately on the lips. You don't seem to mind that I'm sharing your wetness with you. I suck briefly on your lower lip, which I suspect is sore from how much you were biting it. I kiss your neck some more, and I can feel my hardness pressing against your thigh. I know you feel it too. I reach down to help myself enter you. I slowly penetrate you. Torturously I slide myself inside you, lingering on this moment and going as deep as I can. I've ached to be inside you for far too long tonight; to thrust, pump and grind; to give you all I can; to have in such a complete manner. You spread your legs as wide as possible, and I feel your heels rest on the back of my thighs. The warm flesh of your groin, hips and thighs is pressed tightly against mine. The feeling is incredible. I begin to thrust inside of you, and kiss you passionately as I do. I don't kiss you too long because I sense you need to be able to breath through your mouth, so I move back down to your neck. I was right because your breathing is once again quite heavy and mixed with whimpering. I thrust with a decent pace, pushing hard into you, but not necessarily deeply. Your whimpers again become moans, and even I let out the occaisional grunt. My hands are under your back, supporting myself and holding you as tight as possible to me, maybe even helping pull you into me. My hips continue grinding you, pushing you deep into the cushions of the couch. I'm sure your neck is sore by the way it's resting against the arm of the sofa, but you haven't said anything or tried to readjust yourself, so I continue on. With time, my thrusts become harder and faster. I can noticably feel the entire couch moving in time with us, our rhythm conveyed into it, causing it to move slightly along the floor. You begin to scream - in time with the motions - giving me audible praise for the work I'm doing. Your fingernails dig into my back as you reach orgasm again. It feels almost like you broke skin, not that that would be a bad thing mind you, I acutally enjoy a little pain with my pleasure. I feel your body relax under me which puts my own mind at ease. I'm incredibly close to cumming myself, but I was holding out for you. My breathing is now heavy and warm, moist air is getting exhaled upon your neck. My body tenses, my pace softens and I let out my first actual moan of the evening as the warmth of orgasm hits me. My eyes close and I relax as the most addictive feeling I've ever had crawls through my body. I pull you tight against me and smile. I kiss your neck, then nibble on your ears and tell you softly, "thank you." I kiss you on the lips yet again; a warm, passionate, incredibly sated kiss. I pull you into a spooning position on the couch, our bodies sharing warmth with the other, showing affection. I figure I'll let you rest for now, because in ten minutes, I'll want more...

Game

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:14 EST

I toss a nonchalant smile at you as I close the door. You look like you know what's coming, but aren't exactly sure how it will manifest. As I walk towards you, you open your mouth to say something, but are quickly shushed as I put my index finger to my mouth. Your clothing is casual, but clothing really never matters in instances like this does it? It only ends up being thrown in a heap on the floor. I softly put a hand on the side of your face and give you a single, short kiss. It's not a lingered or forceful kiss, yet remarkably passionate. Your body language conveys that you want to speak again, and I again interrupt saying, "Don't say anything. Only I get to speak." With that, you notice the mischevious, slightly evil look in my eye that you somehow overlooked when I came in the room. Your eyes on the other hand, now show some trepidation. Are you afraid? You know I wouldn't ever hurt you, yet something in your mind is worrying you. "Down on your knees," I say in an authoritative tone. "Bu-," you try to blurt something out but are hushed by the placing of my hand on your mouth. "Down on your knees," I repeat again. You bend one knee then the other, putting your head at level with my belt line. Yet it is done with some reluctance; Again, the fear is showing. I release my belt, then the button on my pants. My fly makes that monotone noise that only ever gets associated with a zipper as the last thing holding my cargos up falls to the floor in a pile of fabric. My boxers; They're the blue plaid flannel ones that are a little threadbare around the seams. You've always said you love how I look in them, yet your eyes are ignorant of the underwear I have on and are still showing fear. The boxers too, now drop to the floor. "Open your mouth." Your jaw opens, revealing the soft pink tongue that I crave so often. You take your worried eyes off of mine to notice the engorged erection mere centimeters from your face. It hasn't ever looked this menacing before. It's flush with blood and it's veiny surface resembles the exposed root system of an aged tree. "Look at me," I say as I wander my fingers through your hair. Your eyes meet mine again at the moment my hardened cock becomes aquainted with the inside of your mouth. You make a muffled "mmmmffph" sound as if you weren't expecting me to slide it past your lips. You knew it was coming though. Your stifled exclimation was more out of the surprise of how easily you're giving into me. "Now suck." Either I'm too horny, or you're too slow in your reactions, and the gentle fingers in your hair become a clutching hand to emphasize my point. "Suck." You start softly blowing me. It feels incredible, yet I'm unwilling to let you know how much I like it. Your mouth always puts me in a state of bliss. "Deeper." You suck me in deep into your mouth. I can feel the head of my cock pressing against the back of your throat. You fight a strong urge to gag. It's not like I'm the most well endowed man you've ever been with, it's just that this whole experience is overwhelming you. Your mouth makes long strokes along my erection now glistening with your saliva. You know I love the long, deep movements to the short, fast ones; at least you still remember that much. My pleasure gets the better of me and I let out a slight gruntlike moan. I regain my composure and blurt, "keep sucking." You oblige, now knowing that my face is cracking. The excitement of the moment and the skill in which you blow are quickly bringing me closer and closer to climax. My body is now aching that release. Your fear has subsided a bit with my showing of weakness. Your mouth now feels eager, your movements and motions show less restraint. You now want to make me cum. This only serves to build me up more. You begin doing what I've told you is torturous: You deep throat me, then pull your mouth off of me entirely for a second or two, then slowly deep throat me again. The lack of contact with your mouth when I'm this close to orgasm is almost painful, but I'm too rapt with pleasure to do anything but enjoy that pain. Then it happens. You're on the upstroke as orgasm hits me. The warm, itchy feeling streaks from the center of my body outwards to reach my extremeties. With a loud moan, cum shoots from my cock at the moment you're no longer in contact with it, leaving a sticky, pearlescent white line across the side of your face. Your head immediately goes back down on me to help me ride out the rest of the orgasm. I can barely keep myself from collapsing under my now-weak knees. Not allowing myself to break the pleasure is the only thing keeping me standing. Your mouth slows down as my orgasm fades away, sucking out all that I'm willing to give. You take your luscious, pinkened lips off of me, look up and smile. In one quick gulp, you swallow. You stand up, and kiss me hard. Forcing me to taste my salty mess you say, "I always loved that game."

Break of Dawn

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:13 EST

another star drawn from the sky leaving the night with less of a shine and less of a glitter some would define beauty by the rose without it's thorns I say distract with pretty petals but leave the thorns in place as a contrast a way to see the brilliance that explodes from the stem the colour of life the fragrance of being I will not pretend or convince myself that thorns do not exist because a rose is not complete if it loses the ability to prick your hand but roses are still beautiful and beautiful souls can still be flawed

Blue

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:12 EST

the stars would fall from the sky for doubting your beauty celestial bodies die in ignorance of your soul fires left unquenched only grow stronger and I too fear I will give under the weight of two little spots of perfect blue

Ache

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:11 EST

your shadow hangs over everything I do slowly killing me bleeding me dry painfully draining all that I am and abusing my trust you try and bully me into something I can never do tugging, leading playing puppeteer with my life, and scolding the limbs that have no strings I cry myself to sleep too often the world too big for my shoulders and all I ask is for some reprieve but despite what you think it won't come from you grant me the serenity to accept the things that kill me the things that killed my faith in god because I speak softly but carry a softer stick

Sway

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:10 EST

if a few well placed words could sway your heart trace a finger down your side and hear a contented sigh lovingly kiss your lips and feel a fire a thousand heartbeats in a seconds time a pulse of sated bliss know a happiness unduplicated of flesh pressed between intimate burnings of locked eyes and locked hands fused and fixed and never sundered of shattered pieces made whole with corporal desire searing off scars and burning away our shells if a dream belongs to the heart let me slumber deep and long and never wake let the nocturnes rest and the owls suffer alone as I lay in bed tangled forever in a heart's wish

A Mockery Called Life

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:09 EST

so cruel to have so much from the start and sit on a pedestal so high only to drop painfully to the ground I continue reaching to scale that peak again to live in awe and sit among the clouds but always I fall in the incorrect sense break my bones and tear my flesh as I bounce off jagged rocks rolling into my fate and tumble back down to a mockery called life

Tear, Shred, Bleed

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:08 EST

saying one thing meaning another the universe mocks me with daily taunts pin pricks not enough to kill because death is ignorant to annoyances can I capture that that I admire through osmosis make mine? in the shallowness of the world find a deep crevase on this plain? I am surrounded by miles of flat and as I say that the ices form around me crystals piercing cell walls destroying bonds cold glassy shards that tear shred bleed tear shred bleed that's what this place has become an endless cycle of dispair disparity displeasure whether my hand is open or closed i can never seem to grab hold yet vampires come for me digging barbed claws rending flesh to shreds seeking something not theirs to have and i passively resist deny myself to advancing forces fight nor flight are options now follow me sun burn away the clouded skies pierce light through grey masses of their hasty judgement I will soak up your heat and lie down on the black earth and perhaps sleep

Painted-Blue Clouds

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:07 EST

Every cut on your skin is two to mine every drop you bleed makes vinegar out of wine blind to the hurt oblivious of the pain leading me to suffer for you as you tumble down again The shadows aren't warmth and love's not found in lies you gaze at painted-blue clouds and see them open skies I see more in you than you care to see Just know that when you see it on the other side I'll be.

Heart

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:06 EST

heart pump for me give me hope show me how to live your advice in the past has been faulty to say the least you say you know what you want but not what's best for me your selfishness has drawn tears and pain set me on a carnival ride leaving me beaten bruised naseous and if i could i'd ignore you push you down and sweep you under the rug but i can't i won't because no matter what I think i know somehow you're right you always have been because you've always led the dance though i can't always hear that music no matter how open my ears but it's not the music of the room or the band or the radio it's the music you create if i could feel it's beat i could step in time perhaps then i wouldn't stumble worse yet fall

Sad Songs Don't Help

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:05 EST

I'm afraid of unlocked doors when someone else holds the key I'm scared of what will happen when emotions get the better of me I stand just out of reach of what I know I need the soft, sweet face of a certain muse with the power to sow the seed.

Divine Comedy

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:04 EST

angel or devil I can't yet figure out heaven and hell I can see from where I am accept my hand and take this dance determine my fate with the motions we produce wrap your wings around me pierce me with your horns let me feel something anything I need to move a dance without movement and sway is not a dance at all and I feel stunted impotent to making an impact because purgatory is only hell with a longer name

I've Never Been Good with Carnivals

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:03 EST

stop this ride for me tell me to fuck off drive me away make me feel unwanted because I can't be the one to pull that trigger I don't have the strength to shatter my heart when I'm just barely able to keep it together it slipped out on me anyway and went to live in your house I think it's mad at me from all the grief my common sense has given it and I lie here like a car-struck animal paralyzed and broken ever dying ever denied life

Letters

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:02 EST

my head is buzzing but all these letters are fuzzy I turn and shake my skull to let them out but all they want to do is stay the words are hard but my tongue flacid bore through bone let them out let them all out let them spill and gush and spew as I slide on their mess glide on slippery meanings soak in their warmth and let them colour all I see striating and spattering my skin let them suck me in coat my virtues ooze over my innocence while ignoring the whole

You

zang@thetaoofzang.com (Jamie Nazaroff) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:19:01 EST

What I search for eludes me, Inches from my grasp it moves once again. I grow weary of the chase, I long to give in to the pain. I will allow myself to be scarred; To be beaten down by the immeasurable, the insubstantial. My arms give without embracing, I give of my lips without a kiss. Yet I cannot give in other ways, By means that would bring me bliss. Your mouth tastes of blood. Yet my numbed senses cannot experience, cannot learn. You pray to my entity and being, A tone soothing with every phrase. Your melody of warmth and compassion, A sheild that thins with the days. Your words have worn me bare. A soul left aside like an unwanted, stillborn child. The hours pass by in minutes, As we grow further and further apart. Past love vaguely a memory, Locked in a prison shaped like a heart.